It Is Well.

In June, before my life was turned upside down, I was given this verse- Jeremiah 31:3, “The Lord appeared to us in the past saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” It was explained to me that in this verse the word “past” can also mean “from afar.”  God saw this moment coming for a long time and has drawn me to Himself. Not only did he draw me closer to Him, but He orchestrated the events in my life so that everything was perfectly timed. How can something so awful and tragic be perfectly timed? That’s God. He knows what we need long before we can desire it. He saw July 29, 2012 coming from afar and He put the right people in the right places to catch my broken heart.

I have probably never hung out with more friends than I did in June. I reconnected with several college friends, high school friends and met a wonderful counselor who brought countless wisdom and comfort to me. We had 3-4 dinners a week with my parents over the last year. We spent hours sitting outside talking about life. Robby and I asked questions about marriage and parenting and houses. I loved every second of it. I felt full of life after those dinners. Looking back, it doesn’t make sense that I would reconnect with those old friends, spend so much time with my parents and ask questions that have no relevance in our present lives. But God knew. He knew what was coming. He knew what we needed. He knew my heart would ache for more time with my dad and that is exactly what He gave me. It was beautifully orchestrated and perfectly timed.

That is not to say I am not screaming inside to change it. I don’t want it this way. Everything feels wrong and like it is missing someone. That’s because it is. We are missing our joyful dad. The one who thinks we are funny and sweet. The one who adores my mom and takes care of any little thing that crosses her path. The one who loves Robby’s jokes and the spice he brings to our family. So, our hearts are torn, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have peace. If it were up to us, it would be different. This is how God planned it and amidst the awful, dreadful reality God was a gentle as He could have been. It was beautifully orchestrated and perfectly timed. It is well with my soul.