Wrapping Up Christmas

The boxes have been unwrapped. Glitter and ribbon cover the floor. The constant noise of Christmas music is fading. Even my pretty little tree is laying outside waiting to go to its new home. Christmas is ending. I am surprised to say- I am sad about it. The holiday season we wanted to do without. The one we wanted to skip over. It’s all done now and I already miss it. It wasn’t easy. It was painfully different. Everything felt wrong and misplaced. We tried to make it different on purpose; to control the things we could. Maybe then the loss and absence would be less obvious. However hard and painful it was, Christmas is still beautiful.

 

 

For the last two days, I have felt so sad about Christmas ending. I was thrown off by my sadness. Now, it's starting to come together. Christmas brings hope. The Christmas season, in all of its Hallelujah chorus and twinkling light glory, fully acknowledges the pain that comes along with all the fun. We are not alone in our grief. Everywhere we looked we saw hurting hearts. People needing love, needing grace, needing to be recognized. There is so much power in recognizing and acknowledging someone’s pain. In the midst of this painfully beautiful season, we have hope. There is a real reason to celebrate Christmas that isn’t affected by whether or not you get the stockings down. Not putting up all the decorations does not change our purpose. We rejoice because we have a Savior. This is not the end for us. Our joy is not circumstantial. We have seen the end of the story. We know who is victorious. He was wrapped in cloths and placed in a manger. He is the reason we celebrate. He is why we have hope. And He is the reason I can celebrate Christmas, even when it hurts. Oh, what a reason to celebrate!

 

Merry Christmas!

 

 

A Few of My Favorite Things...

It is December 20- one of my favorite days- simply because it means Christmas is really here. On the way to work “My Favorite Things” came on the radio. I started thinking ‘I really like girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes too!’ ‘I love brown paper packages tied up with strings!’ ‘I like door bells and sleigh bells and I’d probably like schnitzel with noodles!’ So, with a Christmas song in my heart and a spirit of gratitude I decided to make a list of a few of my favorite things…

1.     Passion Iced Tea. Specifically, passion iced tea full of ice in the sunshine on a patio.

2.     Singing. As much as I love singing, my voice is equally as awful. Thankfully, it runs in the family (Sorry Sis!) so our concerts in the car are painful ear piercing interesting.

3.     Laughing so hard I can’t breathe. Between Robby, Claire and my mom- this happens A LOT. And I am so thankful for that. Maybe I should be offended that it’s usually after my solo ?

4.     Ice. Obviously. Crushed, cubed, snow cone, shaved, flakes, chick-fil-a. Yes, please.  

5.     Playing the hashtag game with Robby and Claire. We would never publicly use hashtags #becauseidontknowhow, but they make me laugh and I wish I knew. #areweplayingthegamenow 

6.     The Hallelujah Chorus at the end of the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service. It is in the top moments of my year, every year. Only a few more days until I get to hear it. #KingofKings #enoughwiththehashtags

7.     Dresses. That’s all I would wear if I wasn’t so cold all the time, which brings me to… 

8.     When it looks cold outside but it’s actually warm. Is there a sweeter surprise? 

9.     Going on lunch/coffee dates with friends. I love one-on-one time and getting to really hear someone’s heart. 

10.  Realizing that this list could go on for pages. How blessed am I to have so many favorite things!

With everything going on in our lives, in the country, and across the world it can be so easy to carry a heavy heart, and sometimes that’s ok. Sometimes that is exactly where God would have us, but sometimes God uses the little, tiny, simple joys to remind us that He is good and there is beauty in the crazy, chaos of life.

 

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is my dad’s birthday. December 12. I am sure he is having his best celebration yet. We are left with memories of him and past birthdays celebrated, while it hurts, it is also sweet. My dad was a celebrator. He celebrated life. He celebrated people. He celebrated special moments. His unique, intuitive ability to cherish what was important to you was life giving. He brought life out of people. He valued you for the traits that make you who you are. He didn’t pretend to know everything about your interests and hobbies- that was for you to tell, but he wanted to hear all about it. He was thoughtful in his pursuit of people. Before Robby and I were even actually dating I had mentioned to my dad that Robby grew up playing soccer. By the time they met, my dad knew which CIF games Robby had won, where he had played in Orange County and even had the date he played at my high school to see if he could remember seeing the cheerleaders practice. In the few months since my dad has been in Heaven we had heard many heart melting stories of thoughtful ways my dad sought out friendship.

My dad’s life exhibited his firm belief that life should be embraced and celebrated. Pools were made for cannon balls, whale rides and handstands. Lakes were made for wakeboarding, wake surfing, and tubing. Songs were meant for singing, even if you don’t know the lyrics. Music was made for dancing, even if clapping is your best move. Oceans were made for swimming and families were made for treasuring. The truth is evident in the memories. My dad soaked in every ounce of his life. I encourage you, I even ask you, to celebrate today. To look at your life and the people in it as my dad would have- full of opportunities to be seized. ‘This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.’

Top Left: How I often remember him- ready to jump in the pool as soon as the burgers were on the grill. 

Top Right: With one of his favorite girls walking one of his favorite trails.

Bottom Left: His birthday last year. We surprised him with an ipad. He was s.h.o.c.k.e.d. 

Bottom Right: My dad as a young stud on the lake. 

*A side note- I believe at the bottom of the page you can subscribe, so you will get emails whenever I post.

It Is Well.

In June, before my life was turned upside down, I was given this verse- Jeremiah 31:3, “The Lord appeared to us in the past saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” It was explained to me that in this verse the word “past” can also mean “from afar.”  God saw this moment coming for a long time and has drawn me to Himself. Not only did he draw me closer to Him, but He orchestrated the events in my life so that everything was perfectly timed. How can something so awful and tragic be perfectly timed? That’s God. He knows what we need long before we can desire it. He saw July 29, 2012 coming from afar and He put the right people in the right places to catch my broken heart.

I have probably never hung out with more friends than I did in June. I reconnected with several college friends, high school friends and met a wonderful counselor who brought countless wisdom and comfort to me. We had 3-4 dinners a week with my parents over the last year. We spent hours sitting outside talking about life. Robby and I asked questions about marriage and parenting and houses. I loved every second of it. I felt full of life after those dinners. Looking back, it doesn’t make sense that I would reconnect with those old friends, spend so much time with my parents and ask questions that have no relevance in our present lives. But God knew. He knew what was coming. He knew what we needed. He knew my heart would ache for more time with my dad and that is exactly what He gave me. It was beautifully orchestrated and perfectly timed.

That is not to say I am not screaming inside to change it. I don’t want it this way. Everything feels wrong and like it is missing someone. That’s because it is. We are missing our joyful dad. The one who thinks we are funny and sweet. The one who adores my mom and takes care of any little thing that crosses her path. The one who loves Robby’s jokes and the spice he brings to our family. So, our hearts are torn, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have peace. If it were up to us, it would be different. This is how God planned it and amidst the awful, dreadful reality God was a gentle as He could have been. It was beautifully orchestrated and perfectly timed. It is well with my soul.